“It robbed me of my childhood and ultimately the person I was supposed to become”

A man has shared his heartbreak following the twisted actions of a “depraved” pedophile.

Raymond Hawthorne subjected two children to horrific campaigns of assault and rape. He showered one of the children with expensive gifts, including trainers and a bicycle, while exploiting him for his own sick desires.

Liverpool Crown Court heard the now 60-year-old “preyed, groomed and sexually assaulted” his victims in the Birkenhead area over around 10 years in the 1980s and 90s.

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One of Hawthorne’s victims, who cannot be named for legal reasons, shared her story about the significant impact the abuse had on her.

He said: “For as long as I can remember, I have lived a life of fear. Afraid of Ray, of getting in trouble if anyone knew what was going on. I had feelings of embarrassment, guilt, remorse. I was so young and I wondered if anything was my fault or not.

“As I got older, I realized that what was going on was not right. I was a boy and I was very embarrassed that it happened to me. I was afraid to talk about it with anyone. I felt ashamed, I didn’t think anyone would believe me, and I wasn’t strong enough to deal with what was happening. He was a big and strong man and I was just a child.

“As I reached my teenage years, I became aware of a change in myself – my personality, my feelings, my mind – I became angry and frustrated. Looking back, I think I closed myself off. I think I stopped caring and loving others. It robbed me of my childhood and ultimately the person I was supposed to become.

“I struggle to maintain relationships. I met my daughter’s mother and we were together for almost 10 years. She did everything to help me, she loved me very much, and because I couldn’t function as a normal person, I let her and my daughter down. The relationship broke down because I couldn’t empathize and I didn’t have the ability to relate to my feelings that I attributed to my childhood trauma. I deeply regret what I put them through and wish I had handled things differently.

“It’s only in the last five years that I’ve found some peace and tried to put the past behind me. I hope those hurt by this case can now heal and move on.”

Hawthorne was found guilty of two counts of rape, 10 counts of indecent assault and two counts of gross indecency with a child by a jury. He was jailed for 27 years, of which he must serve at least two-thirds before becoming eligible for release, and given a further eight years on licence.

Appearing via video link to HMP Liverpool, Hawthorne showed no reaction as he was locked up and instead sat taking notes with pen and paper. He was also told to sign the sex offenders register for life.

Sentencing, Judge Gary Woodhall said of the first victim: “He describes a life full of fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt and remorse. He was deprived of a normal childhood”.

The judge added of the second claimant: “You looked after him by giving him things he couldn’t get at home. As time went on, you also offered him booze and drugs.

“As he got older, he finally realized you were drugging him. I am satisfied that you are drugging him in some way, using the food you give him to do so.

“What you did to him has affected him for the rest of his life. He is numb, angry, alone, isolated and confused. Each separately has had to live life with the pain and embarrassment you have caused. You have attacked the character of each victim.

“You have sought to portray yourself as a force for good. You repeatedly lied to the jury. Your abuse of these two young children was the beginning of a lifelong obsession involving the abuse and exploitation of little boys. I am perfectly satisfied that you are sexually interested in young boys and will use them sexually.

“You have continued to maintain your innocence. Maintain a complete lack of sexual motivation for any offense. All this shows is that you still have a complete lack of understanding of your own offensive and deviant motivations. There is a complete lack of remorse.

“You addressed me yesterday for over an hour. You continue to minimize your behavior. You present yourself as totally incapable of understanding the harm you have caused the children through your actions. You tried to blame everyone but yourself.

“This shows a complete lack of understanding of your situation, motivation and risks. You are in complete denial – either deliberately or, more likely, because you are simply unable to admit and understand what it is obvious.”

If you are a child or young person experiencing sexual or physical abuse, the following organizations can also offer help and support:

NSPCC – call 0808 800 5000 or email [email protected].
Childline – call 0800 1111

If you have been affected by sexual violence of any kind, don’t be afraid to tell someone, find the courage to come forward and get the help you deserve. You can report rape, sexual assault and other sexual crimes anonymously here.

In Liverpool, Sefton and Wirral, support is provided by Rape and Sexual Abuse Support (RASA) Merseyside, who are available on 0151 558 1801 and, in St Helens and Knowsley, by the Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Center (RASASC) Cheshire and Merseyside, who can be contacted on 01925 221 546 or 0330 363 0063.

Merseyside Police also works with other forces, agencies across the UK and the Child Online Protection Centre, as well as law enforcement agencies around the world, who share our determination to protect children from dangerous online criminals.

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