I make $240,000 more than my husband and we keep our finances separate – why do some people combine?

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Relationships can be difficult, especially if you live with your partner. Who pays for what? Is it fair to keep track? These types of questions can be difficult for couples to answer. I found a Reddit post titled “Why do married couples combine finances?” on the r/HENRYfinance subreddit (High earners, not rich yet).

The Original Poster (OP), Ben-E-Fitz is a 29-year-old man engaged to a 27-year-old woman. They currently keep their finances separate (his choice), OP makes $300,000 a year and his fiance makes $60,000. OP pays 80% of fixed bills as well as most activities and car payments. Fiance pays 20%. This arrangement leaves both of them with “fun” money that stays in separate bank accounts. The OP is confused about the benefits of compounding and why everyone seems to compound when they get married. Op speculates that it would probably cause more strain in a relationship regarding individual purchases.

My initial reaction was confusion at the large difference in earnings and the percentage split. The bill splitting percentage seems so uneven to me that it’s almost as if they’re combining the finances anyway. I like that their contributions are commensurate with their earnings. That seems fair. I wonder what that looks like in food, clothes, makeup, clothing, household items, toiletries, cleaning supplies, furniture, etc. How will they share the expenses associated with children in the future? He doesn’t explain these details in the original post.

Another reaction I had was curiosity. It sounds like OP doesn’t really trust his partner, and the fact that he makes a lot more than her, but won’t give her access to his money, makes it seem like there might be a superior attitude in this relationship. This is a guess, but would that ever cause him to hold her salary against her?

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Money.

Most of the commenters on this page talk about how adding reimbursements and potentially vague cost-sharing discussions overcomplicate something that doesn’t need to be complicated. If they separate finances but share resources, how does that make more sense than just contributing to a joint account? Many commentators also point out that her salary could stop altogether if they have children. So how will this dynamic work? Will OP pay him a salary? Some commentators wonder if there is some kind of trust issue in the relationship. Why wouldn’t the OP be comfortable knowing what his discretionary fund looks like? Is he hiding something? Is she hiding something? Some commenters wonder if OP is ready for such a big commitment as marriage if he is confused by the concept of combining finances.

A small minority say that splitting finances works for their relationship, but it takes a lot of trust and communication. The comment above says it best: “Combined or separate finances + good communication = no problems.”

A number of commenters have both a joint account and separate accounts. The consensus is that about 80%-90% of each salary is transferred to the joint account, and the rest remains in each individual account. Individual accounts are strictly “fun money” for most of this commenter group. That way, there are no allocation disputes, but everyone still feels some financial freedom and privacy.

Another group of commenters wonder why he doesn’t just do a prenup if he’s worried about combining finances. Thus, in the case of a divorce, both parties have already decided what is right to leave a marriage and during the relationship, money is not an issue. Some posters point out that his partner might end up doing a lot more than him. A disabling illness or accident can happen to either the OP or the fiance. So a prenup will protect both of them.

Most commentators agree that trust, transparency, communication and teamwork are what make finances a non-issue in a marriage. Whether it’s joint or separate finances, partners need to be partners in all areas of their lives.

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