“Every day is Memorial Day for us”—20 years later, remembering fallen soldier Culpeper

Time, that is, said Gold Star Mother Mary Ann Cowherd, of Culpeper.

It’s been 20 years since her son, Army 2nd Lt. Leonard Malloneé Cowherd III, died in Iraq while serving his country. The 22-year-old was killed on 16 May 2004 by sniper fire and rocket-propelled grenades while securing a building near the Mukhayam Mosque in Karbala.

Leonard Cowherd was a 2003 graduate of the West Point Military Academy. He has an identical twin brother, Charles, now an ordained minister, and leaves behind an older brother, a sister, his parents, and a young widow.

Cowherd stayed busy on the 20th anniversary of her son’s loss, working on a library project at the family’s church, St. Stephen’s Episcopal.

She attended a book club, a Red Hats gathering, presented a Daughters of the American Revolution award to a local student, and attended bell choir practice at night, followed by a party for the last rehearsal of the season.

“It just happened like that,” she said of her full schedule. “I enjoyed.”

Charles and Leonard were really smart, just normal twins, Cowherd said. Their father said they are also very religious.

“They were very gregarious,” she said. “Their fifth grade teacher said they were very popular.”

The twins attended Wakefield Country Day School in Rappahannock, excelling academically and athletically in lacrosse, football and basketball. Leonard was a leader, in life and in war, leading a platoon of 16, Cowherd said.

When asked how she felt about him attending West Point, she said, “That’s what he wanted to do and he got in. He wanted. And he wanted to go to Duke, but he didn’t get accepted.”

Cowherd said she never worried about him.

“I didn’t dwell on it, but I didn’t think it would end up like this.”

Since his death 20 years ago, the Cowherd family has added five grandchildren. Lt. Cowherd was reportedly the uncle of three nieces and two nephews.

“He wanted five children and would have been a great father like his twin,” Cowherd said.

He remembered the last time he saw Leonard, walking down the driveway of the family home, bound by the war.

“I didn’t cry. I held it together. I was so naive, I guess, you know, when you have a kid in the military that comes and goes. But he must go and never come back.”

Lt. Cowherd called home on Easter before he died, but no one was home to take the call, his mother said. She recalled a large white vehicle pulling into their driveway the following month.

“I saw the uniforms and I knew. We dived in,” Cowherd said of an officer and a chaplain breaking the news of their son’s death.

He recalled thinking, “From Iraq to Culpeper, how did you find us?”

“I will never forget their shoes. I couldn’t look at their faces. I looked at their patent leather shoes coming down the floor.”

Cowherd said they don’t live their lives in mourning.

“I miss him so much. When the other three are together, there is such a hole,” she said. “But we’re moving on.”

Memorial Day will bring the typical picnics and store sales, she said. The date of her son’s death and the national holiday remembering her run kind of fell together, Cowherd added.

“Every day is Memorial Day for us.”

Her husband, Leonard Malloneé Cowherd II, contacted the Star-Exponent earlier this week to find out who left an elaborate arrowhead on his son’s grave at Arlington Cemetery.

The Washington Post, working on a story about the memories left behind in Section 60, called him about the recently discovered item.

“It is a strange thing this arrowhead, like a jewel of metal,” he said. “We’re trying to find out who might have done this by contacting some of his friends in the military to try and find out. There is a group of people who knew him.”

A group of friends from West Point and their wives are coming June 1 to Culpeper for a visit, Cowherd said.

It helps to know that people still care, her husband added.

The arrow could be like the Jewish tradition of placing stones on graves, Leonard Cowherd said. Or it could be related to the honorary society of the Order of the Arrow of Scouts; all three of his sons were Boy Scouts, he added.

Asked about the 20th anniversary of his son’s death in Iraq, Cowherd said they talked about it as it approached and then left. It’s hard to remember the details of the last few days, he said.

He vividly remembered the last time he saw his son. Like his wife, he was walking on the path from their house.

“I put my hand on his shoulder and kind of squeezed it. That was about the last thing I ever did to him.”

A squeeze on the shoulder meant a lot to the Gold Star parents back then.

“Whenever she’s getting ready to go on a trip, I’ll squeeze her shoulder,” Leonard Cowherd said. “He knows this is one of those little things we do.

“Everything around me reminds me of him,” he added. “The picture I’m looking at.”

A father and a mother experience grief differently, he said. His wife is more excited about it.

“Boys aren’t really like that, and besides, I’m weird. I never cried about it…I realized if I started crying, I wouldn’t stop, so I said, I don’t want to do this.”

Rep. USA Abigail Spanberger, D-7, spoke about Lr. Cowherd this week on the floor of the US House.

“As we head into Memorial Day weekend, we remember the Virginians who bravely defended and died for our country – Virginians like Second Lieutenant Leonard M. Cowherd III. Leonard’s sister, Laura Salinas, wrote to me about her brother’s career in the service… “Twenty years have passed, but I remain grateful for the support and love we still receive from the many who knew Leonard in the community,” Salinas wrote.

“We will never forget the Virginians whose individual sacrifices allow us to enjoy the promises of freedom — and my heart goes out to Leonard’s family as they continue to keep his memory and spirit with them,” he said. Spanberger.