The nursing home finds a way to give its residents a dignified final send-off

It’s such a simple thing.

But the amount of respect it signifies is unimaginable.

The impact it has on surviving family members, as well.

It’s called “pigeon code” and it’s a special paging phrase that was introduced at IOOF Seniors Homes as part of the new hospice palliative care program.

When a “code dove” is announced, staff and residents join the family of the deceased as they gather at the front entrance to say goodbye as the resident leaves the home for the last time.

“When our residents leave, they leave through the front hall, the same way they came in,” said Peggy Sauve, assistant director of resident care at IOOF on Brooks Street in Barrie. “It’s all about respect for the individual and his family.

“We hold candles without a flame, play their favorite music and take one last chance to say goodbye,” she added.

Before the new program was implemented, residents who passed on were quietly and without fanfare, taken from their home through a back door in a hearse.

According to Sauve, the first time the house held a “cod pigeon” was life-changing, something he will remember forever.

“It was incredibly emotional,” Sauve said. “To see the appreciation the family has, knowing how their loved one was cared for when they were here.

“It’s almost like having a celebration of life in that moment when they leave, to say ‘thank you’ for lighting us up with your presence here,” she added.

As the resident leaves the home for the last time, their body is covered with a dignified quilt, designed and handmade by members of the Elmvale Presbyterian Church Craft group.

An ensemble of about a dozen, the group members have come together to create original handmade items over the past eight to 10 years. They recently donated three dignity quilts to IOOF Home, their third donation in seven years.

“One of our first projects was for a local nursing home in Elmvale,” said Marlene Lambie, a retired nurse and member of the craft group.

“They were looking for a blanket of dignity. After we did the first one for Elmvale Nursing Home, June Ritchie from our church, who is very involved in IOOF Home, asked if we could do something for them,” she added.

Lambie said making the quilts for IOOF was an easy decision. She has first-hand experience with the impact of the quilt on the family of the deceased.

“My brother-in-law was one of the first to use the dignity quilt in Elmvale,” she said. “It was quite emotional for me because it was shortly after I donated it.”

That first quilt of dignity literally took on a life of its own.

Her husband’s cousin, who works for a local funeral home, keeps track of the quilt and lets her know when he sees it being used.

“He’ll call and tell me they used it for so-and-so,” she said. “It happens more often than you think.”

The quilts themselves are little jewels of love. Each one is unique and personalized. Themes range from horses to flowers and basically everything in between.

Sauve said the dignity quilts offer enough diversity in their design that they connect with most residents, albeit for different reasons.

“We do a life profile when people get here,” Sauve said. “We talk about their lives, their hobbies, their favorite music, what they liked and what they did.

“We want to know who that person is as a human being.”

Who they were, Sauve said, directly influences how they come out. She said residents play a vital role in crafting their goodbyes.

Sauve encourages everyone, in that stage of life or not, to have that conversation with family – tell them how you want to be remembered. She says it’s worth the time and effort.

“I think the most memorable goodbye was a resident who loved Elvis, his favorite musician,” she said. “We sang with Elvis loud. We all sang and danced and the family was delighted.

“We had tears streaming down our faces, but we were still living that moment,” added Sauve. “That chance to say goodbye, knowing it’s the last time you’ll see or touch that person, I think is very important.”