“Bayern Munch are a managerial circus – they make Todd Boehly look sensible”

What a circus Bayern Munich have become.

For a club with a stranglehold on the Bundesliga tighter than a dominatrix’s corset for the past two decades, they tend to trip themselves up horribly. They went straight past almost every manager in Europe with a half-decent reputation last month and ended up settling for a beluga-whale-looking Burnley manager who won five league games all season.

Swapping Thomas Tuchel for Vincent Kompany is as baffling a demotion as when Liverpool replaced Luis Suarez with Ricky “talks to water glasses” Lambert. But unsurprisingly, Bayern are more of a managerial mischief than a lap dance from Sam Allardyce.

READ MORE: Pep Guardiola’s protégés begin to dominate football as Kompany lands Bayern job

READ MORE: ‘Chelsea are a disaster – Todd Boehly has turned them into Premier League strikers’

Pep Guardiola is the only manager they’ve had for more than a few seasons since 2007, and since then they’ve had 15 of them!

Prepare a thought for Harry Kane too. His bosses are so happy they’re making Todd Boehly look patient and now he might have the man with the world’s most non-existent neck, Craig Bellamy, telling him how to shoot next season. Yes.

How long will Kompany last at Bayern Munich? Let us know in the comments section below.

That fool!

So Arsene Wenger is trying to screw the offside rule down his throat, and frankly he can get mad.

The Fabianski-loving Frenchman believes the flag should only go up if there is “daylight” between the striker and the last defender – much like the daylight between Arsenal and the top of the table in Arsene’s last decade in the Prem, I believe.

But that won’t solve anything, just like when Wenger loaned out Kim Kallstrom despite having a broken back. All it does is turn toenail offsides into peak offsides, which is very stupid.

So here’s my advice to “Le Professeur”: Ditch the mix and get back to the zipper game!

Why do people care about Marco Reus?

Am I the only one who doesn’t care that Marco Reus won the Champions League?

Ever since Dortmund knocked out PSG to book their place in tonight’s final, social media has been abuzz with vomit-inducing posts from weirdo posers pretending to be invested in Reus’ over-the-top quest to pick him up ” finally” on the big one.

Yes, I know it will be his last game for Dortmund and there is something a little interesting about that. But we’re talking about a distinctly B-level footballer here, not a generational behemoth with a gaping European Cup-shaped hole on his CV.

Apparently I should support him because he is, quote, loyal. Well, it’s easy to be loyal when you’re injury-prone, and it was the run that struggled to keep Andre Schurrle out of the Germany squad.

This is what happens when people form their opinions by playing FIFA instead of actually watching the matches: they become fake, unoriginal idiots. You know, like all Man United fans.