The woman says she never felt better after giving up two things

A woman who thought she would “never” be able to give up sex has chosen to be celibate and says life has never been better. Star Khechara, 48, made the decision to be celibate three years ago.

The self-confessed ‘serial monogamist’ never thought he could ever give up sex and used to spend his weekends going out to events, clubs and dates. But Star decided to make a change after going through therapy and has also been sober for five and a half years.

Now she “enjoys life a lot more” and says she wishes she had done it sooner. Star, an independent skin nutrition expert and author from Brighton, East Sussex, said: “I never in a million years imagined I would make the decision to go celibate.

“I’m enjoying life more than I’ve ever enjoyed it. I have so much peace and so much time to do whatever I want to do. “I also have a lot more alone time which I love. I get to take a nap, my king-size bed is all to myself, I wake up alone and do whatever I want.”

In the two years before her decision to become celibate, she had three different short-term relationships. In between, she had a few dates, but didn’t tend to date regularly, as she described herself as “more of a serial monogamist than a dater.”

She said: “A lot of people get into relationships and stay in them because you feel like it’s either this or you’re lonely. I have been that person in the past and I am not shaming anyone. Just taking a step back and having so much time to myself made me realize that it’s wonderful to be alone.”

Star made the decision to get sober in November 2018 after realizing he was using alcohol to deal with “unresolved trauma”. “I very rarely got drunk and that’s the thing, you can be an alcoholic and not a drunk,” she said.

“My therapist went over the AA questions with me and I answered yes to all of them, so I was instructed to attend AA meetings. I hated the idea and thought, “If I can quit on my own, she can’t make me go to AA. “, so I quit there and then.”

The star began therapy in 2021 to help with her bipolar disorder, ADHD and cPTSD — which often means she needs more time to herself to recover from social events. She also wanted to confront some experiences from her past relationships and childhood.

She labeled herself a “stubborn Gen X” who didn’t think she needed therapy. But after her sister and a close friend urged her to give it a try, she decided to sign up for a few sessions. She said the decision “literally saved my life.”

Star added, “I realized that if I wanted to work on myself, I didn’t really want the added complication of dealing with someone else.”

She had originally planned to give up dating and hookups for a year. She said: “12 months just for me. It has continued naturally and will officially be three years in August.

“I’m starting my second business. I’m writing another book. I have wonderful friends that I rollerblade with. I’m in a gang of vegan mermaids and we all go swimming in the sea together – I just can’t imagine finding time for a partner.”

Now Star’s weekends are more spontaneous. She said: “As a couple you often talk to each other but as a single person I meet lots of new people all the time, when I end up talking to strangers it’s great.

“Two weekends ago I was in a burlesque show at the Brighton Fringe Festival and I’m currently planning a year-long solo travel adventure in Central America.”

Star, who is currently writing his second book, The Facelift Diet, said you should be “good to yourself” if you embark on a celibacy journey. She said: “If you’re coming out of a bad relationship, if you’re tired of hookups – whatever it is that got you started on this journey – the first few months are going to be the hardest because ‘you’re used to doing this thing .

“It’s the same with giving up anything – it’s hard to break the habit. But once you get further – six months or so later – you’ll get used to it. You’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. , you will feel so zen.

“It’s important to remember that you can always come back. It doesn’t have to be forever, but I’m experiencing a peace like I’ve never felt before in my entire life. Just remember to be kind to yourself in the first few months. because it will be a test of your brain and heart.”