Birmingham couple shares God’s leading during embryo adoption journey

Seven years into their infertility journey, Mary Leah and Rodney Miller had reached a crossroads. The latest of several attempts to achieve a pregnancy through IVF had failed and any hope of a future attempt, they had been told, would likely have the same results.

“Unfortunately, our genetic material was not producing viable embryos,” said Mary Leah. “Rodney asked me to pray about traditional adoption, but I felt the Lord was teaching me that I would get pregnant.”

But given the circumstances, the Millers, who are members of Christ Fellowship Church in Homewood, wondered how that would play out. Then they learned about embryo adoption.

“You’d think after going this far on this trip we’d be familiar with it,” Mary Leah said. “We found out when some friends told us about some friends of theirs who were able to have a baby through embryo adoption.”

Intrigued, the Millers contacted the adopting couple and heard their story, and that’s how they learned about the Snowflake Embryo Adoption Program.

“After I got off the phone with them, I went straight to the Snowflakes website and for the first time in a long time I got a new sense of hope and excitement,” said Mary Leah. “Not only was it a new option for starting our family, but it also gave me a chance to get pregnant.”

The trial

Believing that life begins at conception, Snowflakes, a division of Nightlight Christian Adoptions, has been offering embryo adoption since 1997.

“We were the first agency ever to offer embryo adoption,” said Beth Button, executive director of Snowflakes. “We pioneered the concept. If people don’t want to keep paying for frozen storage and aren’t comfortable destroying the embryos, then why not donate them to another couple?”

The organization, she said, seeks to offer a life-giving option to couples who have completed their families but have embryos left over from IVF. It also offers couples facing infertility another possibility to fulfill their dream of having a child.

Once the Millers decided to pursue embryo adoption, they discovered that the process was relatively simple compared to a traditional adoption.

“Unlike traditional adoption, embryo adoption is done by contract, so there weren’t any big legal hurdles to jump through,” Rodney said. “Snowflakes required a home study, background checks, and financial reports, and we provided information that helped Snowflakes statistically determine how many embryos we should adopt and which embryos should be a match for us.”

Potential matches are reviewed by both foster and adoptive families with redacted identifying information. Once both families approve the match and the paperwork is completed, the adoptive parents can proceed with the IVF transfer.

On December 23, 2022, the Millers—expectant parents by then for a decade—became parents to twins Dalton and Mary Elizabeth. A double dose of joy to their mom and dad, the chatty little pair are similar in their strong personalities but differ in their overall demeanor.

“Dalton’s smile lights up his whole face; he’s very easy to make laugh,” Rodney said. “Mary Elizabeth is a little more serious, a little more curious, maybe a little more Type A, but she’s so sweet. It’s a bit sticky and requires more attention from us, but both are so unique. It was interesting to watch them grow.”

Opening

The couple who donated the embryos are watching the Miller children grow up from afar. Under an agreement between the families, the Millers are providing updates and photos of the twins to the couple who placed them.

“We asked them to let us know if it’s ever too much,” Rodney said. “We try to put ourselves in their shoes. On the one hand, we understand their desire to know that the children are well and loved and cared for. But on the other hand, we also understand that getting updates might be difficult.”

Such openness between families is strongly encouraged by Snowflakes.

“They may never meet in person,” Button began, “but we expect them to have some type of communication at least once a year and for the foster parents to share updates. It’s important for foster parents to have that peace of mind, especially if they consider these embryos to be lives and children who may eventually join their family.”

Foster parents also receive updates when a baby is born or when an embryo is thawed and does not survive the thawing process.

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Not surprisingly, given the twin bundles of joy it brought, the Millers are strong advocates of embryo adoption.

“Our journey has brought us closer and closer to the Lord,” said Mary Leah. “We wouldn’t necessarily call it a regret, but one of those things we wish is that we knew earlier about embryo adoption. There are thousands of embryos that have been created with a purpose and need a chance at life.”

Rodney agreed wholeheartedly.

“We are convinced that embryo adoption was God’s plan for us,” he said. “It was discouraging and disappointing in that decade to have this desire in our hearts for a family and we wish we had started sooner. I am 46, Mary Leah is 42 and we have a 17 month old. But I can tell you with 100% certainty that we could not love any child more than the two we have from embryo adoption. It’s just not possible.”

And now the Millers’ double dose of joy is about to double again after recently learning that Mary Leah is pregnant with a second set of twins.

“We originally adopted five embryos and transferred two the first time and two back in February,” Rodney said. “Now we will soon have four children under the age of 2.”