UK reform vows to ‘make Britain great again’ as Nigel Farage channels Donald Trump

The party’s chief executive, Paul Oakden, attacking “nannying” and “targeted toxic disposals”, pledged to “Make Britain Great Again” (Donald would agree).

Ann Widdecombe, the closest thing to Melania Trump the British will ever have, delivered an appeal for “common sense”, punctuating each soundbite with a swing of her arm as if to slap Westminster’s collective bottom.

I followed her offstage to ask why she left the Tories. “I waited for them to come around,” she said, but “it just didn’t happen.” Now it’s a “I don’t recognize” party. Could she give an example of where they went wrong? “They hugged each other awake…Mrs Thatcher would have had a fit!”

Mrs. Widdecombe stood on the top deck of the bus and waved at us like a touring queen.

Back at the podium, Zia Yusuf, an entrepreneur, said Mr Farage “will not be put down by insults or milkshakes”. Richard Tice, who I assume paid for much of this event, asked, “Are you having fun!” – “YES!” – and probably wanted to remind us that we had to be out of here by 2pm.

Then it was hammer time. Mr Farage walked onto a footbridge, shadowed by two guards – let’s call them Tintin and Pickles – and said “welcome to our alternative Glastonbury!”.

The ice cream eater pulled a Union Jack out of the air like a conjurer and waved it happily.