Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck broke up after just two years. What are your chances of divorce?

“She’s been trying really hard to make things work and she’s heartbroken,” an insider said People to Lopez, who filed for divorce in Los Angeles this week.

Most of us are all too familiar with the grim statistics about how many marriages end in divorce—nearly 50 percent, by many estimates, including that of the American Psychological Association—and there are many reasons why couples break up. According to a study, the most common causes of divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity, conflict and arguments, as well as financial problems.

It has been reported that Lopez and Affleck’s relationship has been on the rocks for some time. And unfortunately, the allure of the comeback story that inspired celebrity-obsessed hopeless romantics may now have us all questioning what a successful long-term relationship means.

So how common is divorce at different stages of marriage?

• 0-5 years of marriage
  The early days of marriage seem to be a high-risk period. One study found that about 10 percent of marriages fail within the first two years, in part because of the increased likelihood of infidelity early in the marriage and also because of unmet expectations after the honeymoon phase. An older study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that marriages are 20 percent likely to end within the first five years.
• 6-10 years of marriage
  Research shows that the average length of a first marriage is about eight years, lending some weight to the concept of the “seven-year itch,” which refers to a decline in marital happiness after about seven years.
• 11-20 years of marriage
  Some couples who have children may do better after those high-risk early years, in part because of trying to “keep the family unit together when the kids are still in the house,” says Barbie Adler, founder and president of Selective Search Matchmaking. However, once children leave home, the risk of divorce increases again at about 15 to 20 years of marriage.

Age also counts: In the US, the average age for divorce is between 28 and 30. About 43 percent of people ages 55 to 64 have divorced, according to 2016 U.S. Census data. Divorce rates for those 50 and older, so-called “gray divorce,” roughly doubled from 1990 to 2015, according to a Pew survey.

Given the odds, how can your marriage last?

Aim for the 6 vital pillars of a lasting marriage

Sara Nasserzadeh, PhD, couples therapist and author of Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Love Life, say wealth There are six ingredients to a successful marriage, according to her research.

• A common vision
• Mutual attraction
• Respect
• Compassion
• Being loving and trusting each other

Be a “co-CEO”

Everyone evolves, and the key to a successful marriage is being able to evolve together. A big part of that is being fans of each other, Adler says. Consider gassing each other from time to time. Genuine compliments go a long way. It also means appreciating your partner’s interests, needs and feelings and articulating your own. It does not mean that everything has to be equal, such as the perfect division of household tasks with personal hobbies.

“It’s okay for dad. More than that, we take care of each other and lift each other up, or carry each other on our shoulders during hard times,” says Adler.

Remember that your partner is not just a “mirror” of you, but rather a complement to you. Your relationship is a team.

It’s like being a “co-CEO,” says Adler. “You know your value, but you’ve just merged with another company and you want to make it work… What are you going to do to make it thrive?”

Articulate your needs

We all know that when we hold onto our anger or frustration with someone’s behavior, it only starts to get worse and can lead to resentment. So let’s stop playing and living in the past. Be an active participant in your relationships, experts say. Take the lead and tell your partner what you need from them. It’s a compliment to the relationship when one person feels comfortable enough to share a potential way they can be strengthened.

First, ask yourself: Why am I so bothered? What do I need to not feel this way? Take an inward look at your own past and relationship history so you can come to the conversation with self-awareness, something renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel emphasizes in her Relational Intelligence MasterClass. Come from a place of kindness and say you thought about how you didn’t share something you needed.

Expect challenges

Some of Adler’s clients experience relationship difficulties when faced with the unexpected. Enjoying your partner in “the best of times” doesn’t cut you back when life inevitably throws you curveballs, which will happen no matter who you end up with, says Adler. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies; we all know that. Instead of expecting everything to go according to plan, see challenges as a way to grow together.

“Once you get married and find your match, that’s when the work starts and you know who you’re going to invest your time in,” she says.

During tougher times, it’s important to think about listening and leaning into your partner’s needs rather than just trying to convey your perspective. “What helps me feel heard, seen, and validated in our relationship so that I can offer the same to my partner?” says Jeanie Chang, a licensed family and marriage therapist. “How can I first validate what they’re experiencing and feeling and not focus on providing solutions, which can come later? What can I do to show that I am listening to understand, not listening to respond?”

While marriages are two-way streets, there may be times when you need to give more for a while, lift them up, or even give them some tough love, Adler says. You may never know when your time will come and you will be the person who needs extra support.

But… is rekindling a romance a good idea?

“There was a reason why you are each other you were” says Nasserzadeh.

However, says Nasserzadeh, people evolve and change, and there is a chance that time will heal wounds. Communication is key though.

“We often forget why things didn’t work. Quirks, annoyances and sensitivities are the first place to start. Are they still there?” she says. “Do you still feel the same way about them? What was the reason or reasons you broke up the last time you were together? What are the pulls and pushes this time? You get back together to experience something together – emotional unfinished business, etc. – or to build something with each other?”

These elements, she says, “are non-negotiable and we may need more or less of these ingredients at different stages of a couple’s life, but they must be present at all times for a love relationship to thrive “.

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