Dating advice from women looking for love while living abroad

After spending over a year editing stories for Business Insider about the experiences of different women—from a single mom in Spain who aims to avoid single dads to a teacher in China who relies heavily on her therapist’s support when looking for Mr. Correct — I’ve compiled a list of dating tips.

A common thing that most of them told me is that they have no interest in going back home.

1. There can be benefits to wrong data

People are usually looking for more than love when they move to a new city; they also need friends.

Sonya Matejko moved from the USA to Vienna in 2022, at the age of 31. She found that dating can be a great way to explore a new city. “I quickly learned that meeting a local was the best way to discover the best parts of a city and find its little hidden gems,” she said.

Matejko also credits dating with helping her make friends.

“On our date we realized we weren’t romantically compatible, but he’s still one of my closest friends. And it’s not the only time this has happened – a guy I met in Poland also turned into a dear friend and I even went to stay with him in Brussels to celebrate him getting a new job work,” she said.

2. Long distance can only last so long

Dena Roché’s first long-distance relationship lasted three years, and at first it seemed like a fairy tale. They would meet in cities like Rome, London and Paris and spend a lot of time in each of their hometowns, but she said it was never real.

“Even though we spent time in each other’s worlds, it still had that vacation quality to it. We had to maximize the little time we had with each other, we couldn’t be bothered with the mundane tasks that make up a life.” she said.

Fortunately for Roché, the second he met someone who lived far away, he was able to get him to move.

3. Plan a meet-up event

Candice Gallagher has faced dating challenges in the US, England and Switzerland, but she found it most difficult when she moved to Singapore in 2019.

“I found that there was a very small group of people who fit into the same cultural space in which we were operating. It was like trying to fish in a very small pond,” she said. about her experience.

When she came across a TikTok video of a group in the US organizing a dating event, she was inspired to do the same in Singapore.

“I ended up hosting a dating event called ‘Singlepore’. It was pretty amazing, it reflects the desire for offline, real-world ways to connect with people,” she said.

4. Find a therapist for emotional support

Danielle Marcano got bored of her life in Philadelphia and applied for a job in northern China. She moved abroad in 2019, aged 25, and although she was happy with her career progress, she found dating to be the most difficult part of her new life abroad.

Language barriers made it difficult for her to meet local Chinese men, and she said most of the single expats she met weren’t interested in anything serious.

Despite struggling with pain and self-doubt, she’s determined to stick with it: “I’m confident that the support system I’ve built here—my therapist, friends, and life coaches—will help me building the confidence I need to come back. at the dating scene”. Weekly online therapy has become a staple.

5. Don’t expect dating to work the same as at home

Cultural expectations differ when it comes to dating, so it’s helpful to get some local information.

Plus, personality can get lost in translation.

Nicola Prentis, a single expat, moved to Spain in 2012. Over the years, she tried dating in Spanish, but found she never felt like herself.

“I’ve come to prefer people who speak English and don’t make fun of my Spanish, just so they get to know the real me and not this sometimes bolshy, sometimes overly agreeable and often inattentive version of me. After all, I wouldn’t date myself in Spanish,” she wrote.

Who pays on first dates can also cause confusion. In the US, dating is usually casual, and in heterosexual relationships, it has long been the norm for men to pick up the slack.

A woman who was single when she moved to Spain was surprised to find that most of the local men she went on dates with expected to split the dinner bill.

When local friends told her it was common practice, she realized there was no need to take offense – or assume the man had no potential for her.