I’m a book publisher and my partner is a window cleaner — We’re not rivals

But over the 15 years we’ve been together, I’ve become much calmer and more grounded. I credit Alan’s influence for that. He is a window cleaner and gardener in our home town of London. He literally gets his hands dirty for a living.

Meanwhile, my job as a book editor, author, and tutor is academically focused. I spend my day in front of a laptop, so there’s no real comparison between what Alan and I do.

This is why our relationship is so easy. We were never rivals; we complement each other. I learned a lot from being with a practical, rational thinker.

Alan asked me out 3 times before I agreed to a date

Nothing bothers him. Some people fan the flames, but he constantly puts them down. If something doesn’t go according to plan, he’ll just say, “Well, that happened. So what do we do to make it good?”

We had known each other for a long time before we became romantically involved. Alan cleaned my windows and we were talking on the doorstep as he collected his money.

He was friendly and helpful. He noticed when one of my kids’ bikes needed a tire pump. “Do you want me to do that while I’m here?” he would say.

Years later, after both marriages broke up, we started talking more. He asked me out on a date. I was too busy training to be a teacher then, so I said no.

But it did not discourage him. I went to dinner after he asked the third time, just before Christmas 2009. I thought, “Why not?” because I trusted him.

He picked me up in a car, which I thought was a little strange. I had only seen him in a van. The meal was a success; we never stopped talking. But I remember thinking, “This is weird. I have an appointment with my window washer.”

When I told my family and friends about it, they kept labeling it as my window cleaner. “It’s another guy,” someone said. It made me recognize some biases in myself, so I looked at things from a different perspective.

On paper, it might not have seemed like a good fit. I was educated to a Masters level, while Alan left school at 17. He worked in a bakery and factory for many years before starting his window cleaning business.

Meanwhile, I went into corporate fashion, followed by teaching, writing and editing books.

But as our relationship progressed, we balanced each other out. Alan’s work depends on the weather. He can’t get out with the ladder when it’s raining hard, too windy, or so cold that the windows freeze.

Instead of liquidating, he’ll switch things up and call a customer to see if they need anything done that day. Many of them are older, and he has developed patience. If I get upset about a computer problem or meetings not being on time, he’ll say, “Oh, for God’s sake, there’s more to life than that.” He sees another side of humanity.

There is no rivalry in what we do for a living

It’s so relaxed, it relieves my stress. I am much calmer. I like to think he taught me grace.

Just because he doesn’t have many qualifications doesn’t mean he can’t have a great conversation with him. Alan, a year older than me at 58, knows so much about music, football and fishing. I attend networking events and he will come as a plus one. At first, he was nervous, but now he absolutely loves it. People love getting to know him because he does something completely different from the typical person in the room.

We are not competing in any way. I have friends with partners in the same industry. When someone says, “How’s it going?” it’s almost like they’re trying to one-up each other. They will talk about closing this deal or that deal and create rivalry. Alan and I don’t have that because our work is unrelated.

We value ourselves and have esteem in each other – not based on what we do, but who we are.

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